A Do Over

I can still remember good bits from the horrid dream. And I decide why not write it down so that I would never forget.

We were in the classroom and the class just ended. I said my goodbye’s to my friends and as I looked over my shoulder, he was there. Just like how I remembered from my memories. We walked together through the halls, the stairs, and the gate. People were staring, probably wondering, “Why are they together? I thought he was dating this other girl already?”

We didn’t care. We were in our little bubble. We talked and it felt so real. That normal feeling of being in love, HEAVEN. I still don’t get this dream though. I have no knowledge that this was a dream. I thought it was real. When we were going down the stairs, I remember running down and he had to slide down the handles to catch up with me. It was a fun montage.

Then he was hungry so he bought food from the cafeteria. We had to pass through the playground and I had an instinctive feeling that his ex would be there and I didn’t want to rub it on her face so I decided to stay back. I stayed on the main grounds and surprisingly, there was a TV there that doesn’t exist in reality. The program was Justice League. My favorite Animated Series of all time. And all I could think of was to watch it with him.

But when he came back, we went back up the fourth floor. We both sat on the floor of the halls. He was eating and I had a friend with me. We were talking. Chatting. She asked me, “Are you two —?” I couldn’t answer and just shrugged my shoulders. “He really hurt you before.”

And then thoughts started lingering my mind. He did hurt me. He hurt me so bad and now I’m just going to forgive him like that and accept him?! I don’t— I couldn’t— (sighs) Yes. Because. (sighs) I don’t know why, but yes. I do forgive him like that. “I know.”

“What?” she asked, really surprised. “You loved him, didn’t you?!”

Love? Is that such a surprise? I wanted to say something, but I was still second guessing. Since I thought everything was real I had some pretty real stuff to think about. It took a while. I almost forgot about my friend talking until I heard about her telling me about the guy on twitter. “He what?” I said a little too loud.

“He tweeted about you two.”

And that’s when everything went down hill. When I woke up though, I didn’t know what to think. The first thing I asked myself, “Do I still love him?” A year has passed now and I have already convinced myself that I’m over him. He will always have a special place in my heart, but I’m so over him. But then why did I have this dream?

So now, I don’t know what to think.

Oh! There was something else that popped into my mind. I also asked myself whether this was a do over. In my head, I was imagining a do over. If I had the chance to do it all over again; to be with him all over again, would I? And I don’t even have to answer it. With that dream, looks like my subconscious mind already did.