Need You Now

This is so a Lady Antebellum moment. I feel like I'm in a music video.

"It's a quarter after one, la la la.."

It's not yet a quarter, but it's getting there. Do I have permission to just cry? No sleeping the whole night in exchange of a crying session, but only if euphoria would be guaranteed after the session. Does that sound sane? Probably not.

It just hurts. It still hurts.

I've already ranted everything to Marcus, yet all this pain keeps rushing back. It's not easy to get over it because it's not an easy problem.

If only I could forget all the joy of our friendship. Is amnesia possible if I hit my head on the wall really really hard? Probably not.

I've already finished it with him. I told him to leave me alone and to do whatever he wants in his life because I don't care anymore. Even if I still did, I told him I didn't. I'm being tough. I need to be brave. I need to be strong for myself.

However, it doesn't help that he keeps on texting me. Being the good girl that I am, I reply to some of it, but I intentionally show my distaste in every syllable I give.

That ought to get rid of him. Even if it didn't, I hope it makes him realize how terrible he treated me. I could just cry forever. That's how painful it is to be betrayed by your best friend.

A-hole Best Friend

It's too heartbreaking to learn that the best friend that you love with all your heart, turns out to be the same person who leaves you broken with a bucket of tears.

I didn't know. It felt so surreal that I don't even believe my own ears. He was ignoring me. He was literally trying to get rid of me and I didn't notice because I was too in love with him. I was too in love with my best friend to realize that he was trying to hate me.

He thought that he knew me too well that he could just ignore me. He thought our friendship was thrash and so he treated it that way. How bad could this get?

Did I even mention that while I waited for his every reply when he was purposely ignoring me, he was actually texting every skimpy skank in town?! He's such an asshole and I super hate him for it.

But even with all this hate, I still love him. I still love my best friend and it hurts. It hurts so much.

I cry all the time when we fight because I love him too much. I have a tendency to always think negatively, so every time we fight, I literally have a scene going on in my mind that he's walking away from me. It makes me scared.

I'm such a messed up girl who truly needs psychiatrict help, but instead, I keep all the messed up part of me hidden. I don't know what that makes me, but when all hell finally breaks lose, I'm not really sure if there would still be a 'me' to worry about.