Trying Hard and Failing

Could you really count forgiveness attained from begging as a legitimate apology? The answer is a no, but I think that's the only thing that I'm going to get.

She's been so cold to me lately. She doesn't reply to most of my texts and she doesn't care about me or anything that I do. Even if I showed her how much I care about her, she makes it seem like nothing happened.

I guess I kind of deserved that, being a douche and all, but is this really necessary? I'm trying my best!

I guess my best just isn't enough. She's worth it, and if it meant that I needed to exert more than my best, then I would do it.

Abigail Williams is just the most forgiving and awesome person I know. I know she would let go eventually, but until how long is she keeping this charade? Until I learn my lesson? I've learned my lesson! I would never do it again. I would never leave her again.

Whoa. It's strange. It's like she's been such an important part of my life yet I never noticed it. I've never realized how significant her mere presence has been. She's---she's important to me, more than I could ever imagine.

I guess it's true. You'll never know what you have until you lose it.

Skirt Chaser

Lucky enough, I get this awesome best friend, Abi. She's great.

Our friendship started really weird and it has had its terrible turns but we always get together in the end. She's always been there for me that every time we talk, I feel like there's really nothing more to talk about.

I know her already. I know her too well that there really isn't anything else to know. There are so many girls out there like Alexis, who I've been crushing on for months now. We've been texting these past few months and I know that we both like each other.

With her on my back and with basketball season coming up, I really don't have time for Abi and her drama. She's too much to handle. I don't have time for that.

She's always upset when little things come up and it's so frustrating. I love her in a way, but she's just too much. She gets mad at me a lot and sometimes, I don't get it. She's too emotional.

There are girls out there that I could deal with right now. Abi's my best friend, she wouldn't leave me, but now, I want to focus on other girls for a while. When I get back, Abi would still be there anyway. Might as well have my fun.

However, when you do this for long, it just makes you feel guilty. She's my best friend and I do this to her. It's not right and I know that it would hurt her, but I do it anyway.

It makes me such an asshole, yet I still do it. I don't know why.

But she deserves to know. She deserves to make a choice. She can leave me or have me. She can decide after I tell her the truth. I owe her that.