Alone.

There are days when I just don't understand how my mind and heart really works. It's strange. It's almost like the world doesn't agree with my mood and emotions. It's almost like nobody quite understands the world as I do. I mean, I don't even understand myself.

And in those days... I just feel... alone. 

Alone not even because I'm all by myself, but alone in a sense that i feel like I'm not even with myself. It's like my soul isn't within my body. It's like my being isn't in sync with my mind. It's the strangest thing. It's almost inhuman. I've always tried understanding how I work, or at least try to understand how my mind works. Because I just don't understand when i have my off days. When I feel too overwhelmed to even function. It's like I just shut down. My whole mind and body shuts down and i just feel completely helpless and incomplete. Like I'm not even in control of myself.

I mean, how do you deal with this kind of feeling? This kind of stress. It's like the anxiety is so overwhelming that it's almost taking over my whole life. I try to function better. I try to compromise for myself. But there are just days, or at least moments, when I just can't take it anymore, and I just need to take a break, and stop. And look at myself.Look at myself and think, what am I doing all of this for? Is it for myself? Or am I doing it for somebody else?

I'm all alone. Almost. And all I have that's holding me up is also... myself. And sometimes, a part of me is just sad and hurt why life is like this with me. Do I not deserve more? At all?