Happiness Comes with a Price.

Lately, I've convinced myself that I've been happy.

Well, truly... I have been happy! And it's a good feeling, but it's a ride that has to end.

It pains me to say this, but I have changed. I have changed into a person I barely recognize. I don't even know myself anymore. And it makes me feel fear.. For the past hours, I've been wondering what I've been afraid of. And just this very moment, I've realized it. I'm afraid of losing the people around me that has known me as the person I was before.

It frightens me. I've lost people before. And I feel that if I continue to allow this THING to consume me with happiness, the people around me will no longer recognize who I am.  I mean, I already don't recognize myself, what more other people?!

I just don't get it. Why do I always live with the fear of judgment? Why should we live like that? Why do I need to hide a huge part of me from other people just because I don't want people to judge me for it? (Oh yeah... cause I always judge people even for the littlest things that they do. So I assume that's what they do to me too.)

I wake up everyday with the fear of being judged. And this fear consumes me too much that i don't even know how to act around people.

And it's wrong. It's difficult to live in a life like this. It's so difficult... that I don't know how to live in it anymore.