Independence

An incredibly terrifying truth about life has been right in front of my face and I failed to realize it. The weird and almost nonexistent part of me finally came out of its shell and faced me. Independence.

It's not something to be ashamed of. Every teenager experiences that moment when they crave for independence... in everything. I have always acknowledged myself as one of the girls who just likes to be alone. A loner. But two days ago, I finally unraveled what this is all about. Independence.

I always choose to be alone when I could. I love being alone. Not because I'm an introvert, or because I'm a boring loner. I always thought it was one or the other, but I finally realized that it was because I wanted, and craved to feel independence. I don't trust anyone to be around me and try to make me feel what they want me to feel. When I'm lonely or troubled, I prefer to be alone because I don't want anyone to try to make me feel better. I would know how to fix my own problems, because I made them. It just takes time. That's why it irritates me when people try to be sympathetic. I never knew why, but now I do.

Whenever I join extracurricular activities were someone will be teaching me a skill, I hesitate and back out every time. It's not because I don't want to be taught, it's that I didn't want them to be there when I try to do it. I want to make mistakes on my own and learn how to fix it, because that's who I am. And although it's really selfish, I don't want to change that part of me.

It's not about arrogance. It's about independence, right? I don't want to have to depend on someone for anything. They can lecture me all they want, but when I am doing the job, I'd rather make my own mistakes and think of solutions on how to resolve them. Personally, I think that's what true independence is all about.