This is a tough month for me. I generally just do not feel good about my life and it has affected the people around me too much. Especially a person I once thought was a good friend of mine.
It's been two days since I ignored him for a day when we were out for lunch together. It's been two days since I last looked at him and felt no disgust. It's been two days since I last looked at him and thought that, "This guy. He's my friend."
Now, when I look at him, all I think is, "This guy. What a weird stranger."
It's strange, because in a day, we have lost everything that we have built in a year. In a day, we have forgotten about all the things we ever were. It was my fault, I guess. It really was. I was a bitch that day and I tried to push him away to let him know that it was not my day. But what did he do? He pushed my limits. He was too emotionally attached to me that it was wrong. It felt wrong.
I don't need people to lean on me and lean on me and lean on me, until one day I just fall down. I need people to lean on me because they want to be lifted up. I would never allow a person to lean on me just because he wanted to drag me down with him. And that's what I felt with him. It was as if my own world has been lost to his selfishness and arrogance. To him, his problems were his earth. His sole existence. He talks to people to use them (His own words). To make himself feel better; to drag people down.
I don't know why I am saying this. He used to be my friend. Used to be..... (Laugh). Two days ago, he was my friend. Now, he's just a monster I don't recognize.
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